In front of people who don't drink, I never thought about drinking.
Jack london
Quitting alcohol is difficult, but possible. Only a true loved one can help in such a situation. People who try to help an alcoholic quit drinking, save him to solve some of their problems (for example, housing), will achieve nothing. Love alone is not enough to get rid of the most difficult addiction, you still need to know what to do. As it happens that man's strongest and noblest feeling in a certain situation causes loved ones, saving an alcoholic, to create false stereotypes about relationships with him. As a result, they only contribute to the development of alcoholism, and they themselves become dependent on each other.
The traditional role of the relatives of alcoholics, often the wife, is that of "nanny". In the classic version, the "nanny" does everything possible and impossible to keep the family afloat, and those around them unaware of the presence of an alcohol problem. She provides for the family, maintains order in the house, raises children, and this parenting has its own characteristics: children are taught from an early age not to take "dirty towels in public". The "nanny's" drinking "half" relationship depends on the state this "half" is in. While intoxicated "nanny" looks after an alcoholic: find him in places where he drinks, and bring him home; calls to work and says he is sick; tries to neutralize his aggression, often endures beatings and insults; Feed and wash him.
While sober, the "nanny" can continue to patronize and please the alcoholic, hoping in this way to keep him from drinking, or, conversely, as if acting, to charge himdifferent jobs and duties. In both cases, after a while, another fascination develops and things start all over again. Such a cyclic relation algorithm can exist for an arbitrarily long time. The actions of the "nanny" not only aggravated the development of alcoholism, - in the end, she herself could no longer live otherwise. That is why the wives of alcoholics, when they remarry, choose drunks or drug addicts as their companions.
A general rule for all loved ones, no matter who has the disease with them - husband, wife, father, mother, son, daughter - is not to do anything that contributes to the development of an addiction. This means the following:
Drinkers have to deal with their problems on their own.
Well, since he makes them for himself, let him decide. If not, he won't have a barrier before his next drinking, as he'll be counting on your help. Sometimes it gets to the point of absurdity: the husband has gone out to drink the whole "family pot", there is nothing in the house, and the wife runs around all the acquaintances, borrowing money to repay her husband that he hasdo in time. drunk.
Trying to be frugal, you don't have to call an alcoholic at work and tell him he's suddenly and seriously ill. Firstly, cheating is not good - it should not be a bad example for children; secondly, after two or three such calls, no one will believe you and at least they will silently laugh at you; and third - today you will save him from a simple smack, which, perhaps, has stopped him, and tomorrow he will drink more and, in the end, will lose his job.
In our opinion, it is completely unacceptable for people to feel sorry for themselves to buy alcohol to mix for drunk people. With similar success, you can give your loved one a drug or some other poison.
the treatment is not always pleasant and painless.
For example, if a person has an abscess somewhere on the body, you can hide it under clothes, pour in deodorant so it doesn't smell, create a greenhouse for the person so that he or she moves less, andno pain. As a result, all of these will lead to the development of sepsis and death. If despite the pain, an abscess is opened, a course of antibiotics is "punctured", although this is also quite painful, there is a high chance that the person will recover.
You need to keep your promises, and if you can't keep them, it's better not to give them away.
Alcoholics, detoxers, and drug addicts are very sensitive to where something can be achieved, and where rejection will be. In this respect, they are like children, and one should often communicate with them as with children: when necessary - praise, and when necessary - punish. But not a single, even the most trivial incident involving alcohol use goes unnoticed, and of course, the degree of "punishment" corresponds to the level of "criminal". And do not be confused by the solid age and representative appearance of the "sinner". Reasonable carrot-and-stick policies often work well across ages and social backgrounds.
So, for example, if a wife promises her husband that in the event of another conflict, she will divorce him, and he comes "like you" that evening, then at leastThe next day she should write a divorce petition and ask for it. her husband to sign that he agrees. The application to the registry can always be withdrawn, but reality shows: such decisive actions make the husband think about his problem much faster than reproaches and unfulfilled promises. perform.
Your attitude towards alcohol must be constantly negative.
Any alcohol consumption, even the most minimal, even the smell of smoke, will not be sustained if you do not have a negative review. This doesn't mean you have to cause scandals with breaking dishes every time. In no case should this be done - such "protests" will only lead to the fact that an alcoholic with a clear conscience will "relieve stress" and will gladly tellhis drinking friends understand that his wife is an asshole and that he drinks only for her sake. Such situations should be discussed calmly, naturally - with a clear head, their reasons should be analyzed and real conclusions drawn. It will look something like this:
- Expensive! Yesterday at a party you drank again, even though you promised not to. I was very upset because at the end of the evening you looked completely indecent, and coming back from you was scary, you behaved very aggressively.
- You see, I was in a bad mood yesterday because of the troubles at work, and I decided to have a drink, so as not to affect the mood of others with my appearance. And next to me was the owner's husband, who poured wine for me all day, so I couldn't eat. And the vodka is probably poor quality - I still have a headache. This is probably why I went overboard.
- It seems to me that if a man speaks, he should keep his word! And it turns out that it's easier for you to break your promise than to say "no" when they pour you vodka!
- Knowledge. . .
- No I do not understand! Don't joke anymore! Over the past year, we've had to talk about this more and more often - I think it's time to consult with specialists.
- You need - you and be treated.
- Firstly, both are needed, secondly, no one is going to treat you, we will only talk to a psychologist about how to behave in some situations related to drinking.
Sometimes such a conversation is enough for a person with an alcohol problem to agree to come to us, but more often he refuses in every possible way, alluding to the lack of free time, the futility ofthis visit and many other "valid" reasons. You have to be firm and with each new wine you have to be even more determined with yourself. Furthermore, if conversations don't work, don't hesitate to use other methods of pressure, which your intuition and knowledge of your loved one's personality will prompt. By the way, do not forget to periodically remind that in developed countries any person with more or less self-respect has his own psychologist, with whom he periodically meets. And there is nothing as shameful as, for example, when riding a hunchbacked "Zaporozhets".
All conversations with an alcoholic should have a specific logical ending.
Any conversation you have, any dispute about an existing alcohol issue should end in some kind of constructive decision. Under no circumstances should you stop halfway and allow the patient's alcoholic "me" to once again mislead people and force them to postpone actual anti-alcohol actions for an indefinite period. . Because often such conversations end with the alcoholic's promise to quit, and everyone officially calms down. Apparently after a while, everything repeats itself again, and so on - ad infinitum. So, if your drinking relative tells you that he understands, realizes, deeply regrets it and won't do it again, listen to him that if he still drinks at least onetimes (no matter how many), the two of you will go to a psychologist together.
When drunk, do not drink alcohol in the presence of the alcoholic.
The smartest thing a patient's loved one can do is not drink or keep alcohol at home. Alcohol in such a house can be in only one form - as part of an external disinfectant (iodine, brilliant green, and the like). And although many of our patients, who haven't drank in years, feel completely calm during their drinking sessions and are indifferent to alcohol, it's better to play it safe. The fewer triggers, the calmer. This is first and second, remember the following:
The situation is not so good when an alcoholic, who clearly does not consider himself one, educates and tries to help another alcoholic to be more "successful" in creating (along with the Green Serpent) goods. date and social issues. It's clear that calls for a sober life don't sound convincing if they breathe smoke into you, and the difference between a sick person and a similarly "healthy" person is that the latter hasn't died yet. work and his wife have not left him. .
Don't hide the fact that your loved one has a problem with alcohol.
This is not because of an urgent need to tell everyone about your husband's drunken antics. No, but you should not deceive anyone, deceive, pretend that you know nothing. Under no circumstances should you deceive your child, let alone force him to lie. As a rule, they know and understand everything perfectly.
If you are sure that involving influencers of alcoholics in problem solving: parents, children, friends, bosses, co-workers, will help promote the cause - don't hesitate to tell us. them everything and ask for help.
Conversations with alcoholics must be substantive.
Saying he drinks a lot and often is not enough. To him, this is an empty phrase. You need to prepare in advance for a conversation with an alcoholic, especially if you plan to involve others in it. To do this, it is helpful to record the frequency of episodes of drinking, the degree of intoxication, and the behavior in this state. Simply put, you need to keep a journal and preferably with illustrations. That is, if it is possible to film a drunken flight on video, it must be done, and you will discuss the moral and ethical aspects of those actions as you save your loved one from the aftermath. the result of a serious and incurable disease.
Alcoholics need to be provided with objective information about their condition.
An alcoholic perceives any information unconsciously: he hears and sees only what he wants, and what he does not want - he ignores it, does not pay attention to it. Naturally, only such information was allowed to enter consciousness without jeopardizing the friendship with the Green Serpent. The role of moderator is played by that very alcoholic "me", the inner voice that resonates within each alcoholic and can in every way justify, disguise, regulate everything related to theDrink properly.
In this regard, in order for all the negative information about this disease and its consequences to reach the recipient, it is necessary to approach the solution of the problem creatively. You won't get anywhere if you plaster all the walls with newspaper clippings and alcohol-proof posters. But if you, as if by chance, say that one of your mutual acquaintances, by the way, a few years younger than you, has been in the afterlife, and his next habit is to blame this, an alcoholic can become thoughtful.
One of our patients "wake up" (in his own words) after he barely recognized his schoolmate in one of the homeless scavenging.
Be sure to let alcoholics read our book, it was specially written so that everyone will find it enjoyable to read.
Help the sober "me" of alcoholics.
Don't wait for the alcoholic to start changing his life pattern, but actively (but not intrusively) help him in this. Take him to the cinema, the theater, the sports field, get him out of town, introduce him to interesting people. The alcoholic himself (if, of course, he is still socially adapted) often finds it difficult to do this, since he is constantly in trouble with time - the lion's share of timehis is taken by the Green Serpent. And he has lost the habit of such events, he does not know from which side to approach them.